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Real Questions And Answers From Last
Year's GCSE's:
Some
students must think that, if you don't know an answer, you might get some
marks by making the poor examiner smile. . .
(GCSE
exams are taken by British kids at age 16)
English
Define
the word 'monotony'
Monotony
is being married to the same person all your life.
Use
the word judicious in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
Hands
that judicious can be as soft as your face.
What
does the word benign mean?
Benign
is what you will be after you be eight.
What
is the correct use of a semi-colon?
Only
to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial removal of the intestines.
Technology
What
is a turbine?
Something
an Arab wears on his head.
History
What
is Britain's highest award for valour?
Nelson's
column.
Religious
Education
Who
did not welcome the return of the prodigal son?
The
fatted calf.
What
is a Hindu?
It
lays eggs.
Geography
Name
the four seasons.
Salt,
pepper, mustard, vinegar.
What
is the equator?
A
menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Explain
one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
Flirtation
makes the water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
How
is dew formed?
The
sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
What
is a planet?
A
body of earth surrounded by sky.
What
causes the tides in the ocean?
The
ties are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water flows toward
the moon because there is no water on the moon, and abhors a vacuum. I
forgot where the sun joins in this fight.
What
is a fossil?
A
fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Biology
What
happens to your body as you age?
When
you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
What
happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He
says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Name
a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Premature
death.
What
is artificial insemination?
When
the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
How
can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep
it in the cow.
How
are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen)
The
body is consisted into three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and
U.
Briefly
describe the skeleton and its function in the body.
The
skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and outsides
have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch
the meat onto.
What
is a fibula?
A
small lie.
Where
is the tibia?
They
live in a country in North Africa.
What
does 'varicose' mean?
Nearby.
What
is the most common form of birth control?
Most
people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Give
the meaning of the term 'caesarian section'.
The
caesarian section is a district in Rome.
What
is the alimentary canal?
The
alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
What
is a coma?
A
coma is a punctual mark a bit like a period or full stop.
What
is a seizure?
A
Roman emperor.
What
is a terminal illness?
When
you are sick at the airport.
Name
the types of teeth in an adult human. How many are there of each?
A
permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two molars
and eight cuspidors.
Sociology
What
guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
If
you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
What
is a social node?
A
friend you have know for a very long time.
Medical
What
is artificial respiration commonly known as?
The
kiss of death.
What
are steroids?
Things
for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
How
can you help someone who has fainted?
1.
Rub the person's chest or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
2. Put its head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
How
would you treat a head cold?
Use
an agonized to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.
What
should be done if someone has been bitten by a dog?
Put
the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
What
has to be established before giving a blood transfusion?
If
the blood is affirmative or negative.
How
should you remove dust from the eye?
Pull
the eye down over the nose.
What
is an enema?
Someone
who is not your friend.
Psychology
What
is a morbid state?
A
stage in a take-over, when a bigger offer is made.
Botany
What
can be coloured red, pink, orange or flamingo?
The
rectum.
Give
an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms.
They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
What
is rhubarb?
A
kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Describe
how flowers are most commonly fertilized.
1.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
2.
Germination is the process of becoming a German.
3.
Fertilization is the fussing of the male with the female garments.
Chemistry
What
is a super-saturated solution?
A
super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Physics
What
is momentum?
What
you give a body when you are going away.
What
is a vacuum?
A
large empty space where the pope lives.
What
is a magnet?
Something
you find crawling on a dead cat.
Web Site prepared by Baylite
Studios, September, 2000
